NOTE: The following is taken from Fire from the Holy Mountain: The Prayer Diary of Elder Epraim, entry for February 29, 1980, Third Thursday of Lent, pp. 78-79.
I feel sinful and dirty. The true awareness of my nothingness greatly helps me to see God.
“Thou shalt gladden him in joy with Thy face” (Ps. 20:6). Oh, that divine face! It has eros and beauty from the glory, from the supremely radiant light of the Trinity’s effulgence. There is where the transcendent beauty of God is; there is the divine electrification and contact with God the Father, by His humility and condescension.
Oh, how the unlimited the humility and simplicity of God is! The humility and condescension of the awesome God astounds and overwhelms me! How filthy and dirty man is! Even though he has so many sins and is so guilty, he feels haughty and behaves egotistically. There is nothing stupider than this.
The angels are celebrating in heaven, dressed in white with inconceivable beauty within the supremely bright light of God. They chant—and what they chant! Their hymns are pure bliss. But that which makes them stay in this blessed state is the grace of humility and true self-knowledge. Unfortunately, I am proud, which is why I lack this joy and grace.
Like a helpless creature, like a thirsty deer, I seek, cry out, and long to be watered by the true Fountain—my God—with a divine drink, with the water springing up into eternal life (cf. Jn. 4:14). “When shall I come and appear before the face of my God?” (cf. Ps. 41:2) I weep, seeking my God. When I touch Him, I feel him and weep. But how this happens, I do not know; one thing I do know is that I feel Him as much as He wants and corresponding to the humility I feel for my dirty self.
My God and Father, open the eyes of my blind soul to see my nature, the nothingness of my nothingness, and through it to see You, the most lovely Light, Who gives eternal life to mortal man. Enlighten my darkness, O divine, lovely Light.